Re: The Slough of Despond, and Moses

I need to share this, because many of you may be going through that very 20/30-something slump of "how'd i get here" or "meh" or just plain feel like you're in a dry, unsatisfactory wilderness of discouragement. There may be a personal reason for the "meh times," as I may refer to them, or the sole reason might just be to bring glory to the Creator of 1)your minutiae and 2)the furthest, largest galaxies.

This is from October 13 of Chambers' My Utmost, and is taken from this website.

Individual Discouragement and Personal Growth

. . . when Moses was grown . . . he went out to his brethren and looked at their burdens —Exodus 2:11

Moses saw the oppression of his people and felt certain that he was the one to deliver them, and in the righteous indignation of his own spirit he started to right their wrongs. After he launched his first strike for God and for what was right, God allowed Moses to be driven into empty discouragement, sending him into the desert to feed sheep for forty years. At the end of that time, God appeared to Moses and said to him, " ’. . . bring My people . . . out of Egypt.’ But Moses said to God, ’Who am I that I should go . . . ?’ " ( Exodus 3:10-11 ). In the beginning Moses had realized that he was the one to deliver the people, but he had to be trained and disciplined by God first. He was right in his individual perspective, but he was not the person for the work until he had learned true fellowship and oneness with God.

We may have the vision of God and a very clear understanding of what God wants, and yet when we start to do it, there comes to us something equivalent to Moses’ forty years in the wilderness. It’s as if God had ignored the entire thing, and when we are thoroughly discouraged, God comes back and revives His call to us. And then we begin to tremble and say, "Who am I that I should go . . . ?" We must learn that God’s great stride is summed up in these words— "I AM WHO I AM . . . has sent me to you" ( Exodus 3:14 ). We must also learn that our individual effort for God shows nothing but disrespect for Him— our individuality is to be rendered radiant through a personal relationship with God, so that He may be "well pleased" ( Matthew 3:17 ). We are focused on the right individual perspective of things; we have the vision and can say, "I know this is what God wants me to do." But we have not yet learned to get into God’s stride. If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.

dabbling with fire

dabbling with fire

© Amanda E Johnson c. 2004

The quietness and solitude
The sunsets –oh! the sunsets!
Being alone on the top of the world,

so close to the sun, well -
i wish i could paint.


How is it that there is red wool
in the sky
scattered about
for miles and miles?


/
or
\


How is it that all the white clouds
are scattered in the blue sky for miles?

the art i see in you

the art I see in you

(not the art that is your body)

makes me cry.

(not because i’m sad but…)

it’s so beautiful
to see a grown boy love
from deep inside.

that is art.


written sometime around the turn of the millennium.
© Amanda E Johnson

On being a slave

I found this bit while cleaning my room... written approximately 2004? ... I knew i was meant to be a rapper or something ;)

On being a slave

~Manda Johnson

Sometime's it's not all it's cracked up to be

You know, seeing people shun you + me;

Pursuing holiness, faith, hope, + love

Trying to serve our great God up above.

It's not always easy; quite often it's hard
This living for Jesus thing hurts like a shard.

Dying to self more and more ev'ry day
Always re-learning our need to obey.

Falling down more + more, or so it seems
I find myself wishing this life was a dream.
Struggles for righteousness cut like a knife
Draining false emotion out of my life.

Yet if someone asked why I live This way
I know even now what my herat would say

All my ties to this earth are being spliced

As my heart is becoming one with Christ's.

projects as of late...

Lately I am (still) working on:

pillowcase dresses galore!!

sheet-strippy-quilts

afghans:
-Baby Rebecca (almost done!)

-Christee and Jordan (I can take longer on this one, because their wedding date keeps changing!)

-Vincent's 100"

-Kelli & Dennis

-Baby Weeks

Finished:

Christine and Buck!

projects as of late...

Lately I am (still) working on:

pillowcase dresses galore!!

sheet-strippy-quilts

afghans:
-Baby Rebecca (almost done!)

-Christee and Jordan (I can take longer on this one, because their wedding date keeps changing!)

-Vincent's 100"

-Kelli & Dennis

-Baby Weeks

Finished:

Christine and Buck!

Sunday Night - an ode to sheep herders.

Frances Ridley Havergal wrote a poem entitled "Sunday Night" that you really must read. While reading it, think about all the pastors you know that have spoken the truth to you; this is for them.

So I have copied and pasted it here for you, or you can click the above link to find the webpage it was originally found. (well, actually, there was an excerpt in "Lone Point," a novel by GLH.

******************

REST him, O Father! Thou didst send him forth
With great and gracious messages of love;
But Thy ambassador is weary now,
Worn with the weight of his high embassy.
Now care for him as Thou hast cared for us
In sending him ; and cause him to lie down
In Thy fresh pastures, by Thy streams of peace.
Let Thy left hand be now beneath his head,
And Thine upholding right encircle him,
And, underneath, the Everlasting arms
Be felt in full support. So let him rest,
Hushed like a little child, without one care,
And so give Thy beloved sleep to-night.

Rest him, dear Master! He hath poured for us
The wine of joy, and we have been refreshed.
Now fill his chalice, give him sweet new draughts
Of life and love, with Thine own hand; be Thou
His ministrant to-night; draw very near
In all Thy tenderness and all Thy power.
Oh speak to him! Thou knowest how to speak
A word in season to Thy weary ones,
And he is weary now. Thou lovest him--
Let Thy disciple lean upon Thy breast,
And, leaning, gain new strength to 'rise and shine.'

Rest him, O loving Spirit! Let Thy calm
Fall on his soul to-night. O holy Dove,
Spread Thy bright wing above him, let him rest
Beneath its shadow; let him know afresh
The infinite truth and might of Thy dear name--
'Our Comforter!' As gentlest touch will stay
The strong vibrations of a jarring chord,
So lay Thy hand upon his heart, and still
Each overstraining throb, each pulsing pain.
Then, in the stillness, breathe upon the strings,
And let Thy holy music overflow
With soothing power his listening, resting soul.

50 Things From the Past Decade of my life. (He's Been Faithful)

This is stolen from Holly - I was ruther inspired by her post on FB, and I am going to attempt my own list. Especially since,... In one week I am turning 26! So from the tail end of my 15th year until now, here goes!

1. I played the piccolo in pep band, and really enjoyed "Stars and Stripes Forever" because of the piccolo solo (soli, but there was only myself on the picc!)

2. My family and I traveled to Maine and took a boat ride and saw seals basking in the sun.

3. My younger cousin was the first of the girl cousins to get married and now has three children.

4. I went to Spain for a weekish with some peeps from Spanish class. The only Spanish I really used was at Subway (the food chain)

5. I had three different dishes featuring octopus while in Spain.

6. I gave flute lessons to a younger student.

7. I played a solo in Solo and Ensemble and did ... decently =)

8. I was really into classical music in high school.

9. I had a few crushes, but none of the guys I liked were mutually interested...

10. I may have broken a few hearts by having high standards.

11. I still haven't kissed anyone...

12. I worked at Red Hot Inn and did basically everything possible while there.

13. God gave me a burden for the people I worked with at Red Hot.

14. I filled up several prayer journals while in high school, under Pastor John's influence, and rediscovering them a month ago was one of the best things to have happened this year.

15. I went to Homecoming and had one of the most fun, amazing nights ever (thanks, Chris!) along with being told I looked beautiful by a boy before I left

16. I participated in Bible Quizzing and learned tons and got out of my comfort zone.

17. I attended Reborne Rangers at Lake Ann Camp and really saw God pull a group of 60ish youngsters together for His glory.

18. I discussed entomology with God while at Reborne Rangers and heard Him telling me that I could be a lightbulb for Him while studying entomology.

19. Because of entomology, I applied to MSU, and MSU alone. ...

20. I was accepted into MSU (Michigan state) and started classes in the fall of 2002.

21. In high school, Christee and I met almost every day before school in Mr. Lameyer's room to pray. It was amazing. I miss that.

22. Also in HS, I stuck with the same small group at West Cannon (after switching churches) for three years. God used those girls to bring me closer to Him. (Sex is good, sex is great, sex can wait!)

23. I went to Teen Leadership Conference (again, in HS) and God spent a lot of time convicting me about boys...

24. God brought me into a great group of college students on campus.

25. I met one of my best friends at MSU, and Kelli's stuck with me ever sense!

26. Kel and I were BOTH devastated by a male . . . but God used it for our good.

27. (Through that,) I learned that forgiveness is not instant, but it is possible.

28. In college, I learned about the importance of discipleship and accountability.

29. I worked in the cafeteria in Brody Hall, which is like the largest non-military cafeteria or something.

30. I made lots of friends in the cafeteria, and got away with a lot. . . ;)

31. I switched to student maintenance and God gave me a burden and mission field for/with those boys.

32. I discovered the importance of keeping old friends "back home" while making new ones.

33. God pointed out Hebrews 12:3 to me on a Therefore summer retreat when we were up near Mackinaw City, and brought me out of a spiritually dry spell.

34. I changed churches in the last semester of college and started attending a really small church, along with Joey, who started college the semester I was finishing up.

35. I watched almost all of my close friends get married, and the majority of "everyone else" got married as well. I remain single.

36. I can view my singleness as a blessing, and am learning to take advantage of this time for His glory.

37. I served with ACMNP (A Christian Ministry in the National Parks) during the summer of 2008 and made like a gazillion friends, learned about the tourist industry, and hiked the badlands.

38. I biked the Mah Dah Hey trail for 5 or so miles. And walked my bike through the Little Missouri River - It came up to my waist or so...

39. I had a real, salaried job, if only for a year.

40. I taught Spanish to students that could have cared less about Spanish, but saw so many improvements because of God's grace and my attempts to listen to broken, hurting hearts.

41. I learned to love my students more than myself, and spent countless hours crying, praying, and making up my own text, tests, lessons, and games.

42. I learned the answer to the ultimate question. ;)

43. I've learned through trial and error that even though Skype, email, cell phones, and snail mail exist, nothing beats talking in person, even though snail mail comes in at a close second.

44. I've come to really like snuggling with people.

45. I started my Master's degree... one of the benefits of being single.

46. I was invited to a Bible study "Down the Road" by a friend and have been stretched beyond my imagination and made some amazing new friends.

47. I participated in the Journibles guinea pig test group :)

48. I stood up as bridesmaid in two of my friends' weddings (three this spring)

49. I get to watch almost everyone else have babies, and I am still... single, and my womb is still... empty; however, I know God is faithful, and what He has planned for me is far greater than anything I can type or imagine.

50. I am still learning to trust Him everyday, but like the song says, "every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before," and the more time I spend in the word, the more I want to only spend time with Him.

important trifles

I have been modifying my vocabulary - reading King James' English helps much, as does watching videos of intellectuals... It's always fun to circumnavigate (iron sharpens iron / friends sharpen friends!) until a definition is created.
:-D

Here are some words I am working with lately, followed by their definitions.

See if you can match them!


1. misogyny a. to shed rays of light upon; illuminate; to illumine intellectually or spiritually

2. ineffable b. The act of taking; reception

3. susception c. mournful, dismal, or gloomy, esp. in an affected, exaggerated, or unrelieved manner; Mournful, dismal, or gloomy, especially to an exaggerated or ludicrous degree.

4. discharge d. highly distinguished; renowned; famous; glorious; luminous; bright

5. irradiate(d) / irradiating e. hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women.

6. illustrious f. Still trying to find a good definition for this one, as www.dictionary.com says it's not a word but quite a few peoples have used it ...

7. infallacy g. to pour forth,emit; to relieve of obligation, responsibility; to remove or send forth.

8. lugubrious h. incapable of being expressed or described in words

for the answers, hit up the bottom of the page.

not yet

not yet

almost

soon

ANSWERS:

1.e 2. h 3. b 4. g 5. a 6. d 7. f 8. c

Not that it really matters, but:

We all know your name. We all know your birthday, what color your eyes are, what your favorite food is. I’m not going to ask those dumb questions. Instead…

--Any names your parents were thinking about that you would prefer?
IDK, my bff Rose?

--If you had to pick one outfit that you currently own to wear for the rest of your life, what would it consist of?
jeans and a shirt, with a sweatshirt, knee socks, and flip flops in case it's warm. Also, shorts. because i am a Michigander at heart, and I change clothes a LOT.

--What do you think is going to happen to you after you die?
My heart will live on ... well, I'll get a new body and spend the rest of forever with the One Who Breathes Stars and became human to take the consequences of my sin ... :- )

--What TV show have you seen every episode of?
Mr. Bean (it's only one season!) and Crossing Jordan and Gilmore Girls.

--What movie can you quote every line to?
no? I can quote a good number of line-age from A Princess Bride, Monty Python and the Holy grail, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Also, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

--What bands have you seen in concert?
Five Iron Frenzy, Bleach, Holland, Sara Groves, Bebo Norman, GoFish, Fernando Ortega (<3!) MercyMe, Monk & Neagle

--What bands would you like to see in concert?
Brian Regan (haha), TSO, Shane and Shane,

--If you had the money to retire anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Retire? erm,... out west in the winter, Michigan in the summer. and most of the winter. Depending on my ligaments. :-p

--Is there a piece of jewelry or something similar that if you lost, you would feel naked?
sometimes my ring. or chapstick.

--What is one thing [appearance-wise or other] you would change about yourself?
my vision, but that'll change someday :)

--One thing you would change about your best friend?
Nothing!

--Everyone remembers their first birthday party that involved friends. Describe yours.
we popped balloons with our bottoms. it was fun :)

--What do you think is the perfect age and why?
every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before =)

--If you could go back in time and change your first kiss, would you?
no. because... it hasn't happened.

--How many times have you said “I love you” to someone of the opposite sex [romantically] and meant it?
zero! (in my head, though, fifteen million! ha. )

--How many times have you said it and not meant it?
That would be zero.

--Which member of your family has the biggest influence on your life?
Me mum.

--If you won a $1,000 shopping spree to one store, what store would you want it to be?
TJ MAxx

--Which is your favorite comic book movie [The Hulk, Spiderman, Ironman, etc]?
Ironman. =-)

--What do you think this phrase means: “I am drearily bloodletting this bedwetting cosmonaut”?
That Russian is SICK!

--If you could go back in time and relive one memory – relive it, not change it – what memory would it be?
TWIRP with Chris, Brian, and Teresa. That was pretty neato.

--How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?
I think my friend Amy was in 2nd or 3rd grade, and she was a grade ahead of me. She taught me some stuff...

--Who taught you?
see prior Q

--When you go to the movies, do you like to get candy or popcorn?
i only like popcorn on occasion at the movies... :-p I bring M&Ms, or sometimes buy nachos.

-Describe the first real party you ever went to [i.e. first party with alcohol].
Wow... shallow ;) Us church kids partied hard without substances.

--If you’ve never been to one, explain why not.
Also, see prior Q's A.

--Did/do you like high school? Why or why not?
a little. Pep band, great teachers, Spanish class...

--Do you have ONE best friend, who stands out among all the others, that’s been there for you seemingly forever?
Christee n Kelli

--If so, who is it?
^^^^

--If not, do you prefer having just a group of good friends, or would you like to have that one best friend?
yes

--Do you prefer the sound of electric, acoustic, or steel guitar?
depends on the song. I like me some country, some men's voices, and some hard rock.

--Have you ever read the Bible – even just a little part of it?
Yes :) And the more I read, the thrstier I get! :)

--Have you ever read the Koran?
Nopers

--What was the best pet you’ve ever had?
Dolly! (*Giant African Millipede)

--Out of all the states you’ve visited/lived in, which is your favorite?
Michigan, because I spent a large portion of life here. ... and there's humidity. Which is good for me. : )

--Do you enjoy jigsaw puzzles?
Yes!

--If you were allowed one murder without punishment, would you do it?
I'm a depraved creature, let's not say I haven't thought about it. :- (

--Where do you keep your wallet when you’re out and about?
everything. Unless Max (my friends' kiddo) goes through it and looks at stuff inside ;) Then it's in his hands :-p haha.

--Have you ever seen a ghost?
Boone's Restaurant in TC, yes! :- o or my camera exposure. hahaha.

--How about seen things happen that you think were caused by a ghost?
tv!

--Did you have Beanie Babies as a kid?
a few. ... And got a few when i was older. Well, it didn't really Happen until I was in at least junior high lols.

--Did you have tag protectors for their tags, or did you just rip the tags off?
yes, but i didn't really care. lol.

--Do you prefer stripes or polka dots?
both, but mostly polka dots. onthings, not clothing =-)

--What’s the best Christmas present you ever received?
I like them all equally. haha... erm, my luggage? kitchen gadgets? :- )

--Which of your birthdays was the most memorable?
My 20th, I think it was - The last LOTR was in theaters and I saw it with a bunch of peeps. :) And wore my new boots that made me taller :)

--Name one song you can play on an instrument – any instrument.
A Lot of Stuff on my flutie

--Who taught you to play that song?
a book. a few of them. :)

--Out of all the teachers you’ve had, who had the biggest influence on you?
Mr. Lameyer and Señorita Rigueiro

--Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle?
on a minibike. ... i drove.

--How about a moped?
nopers!

--When you were little, what was your favorite Disney movie?
Maybe Beauty and the Beast or Little Mermaid?

--What’s your favorite Disney movie now?
Beauty and the Beast!

--On the opposite sex, do you prefer muscles, average size, or scrawny bodies?
a few muscles, not the creepy kind, and a big heart.

--What’s the best gift you’ve ever received from a significant other?
waiting for me ? :-p

--What’s your favorite kind of chips?
BBQ, or baked something. Or carrots. :-p

--That you know of, do you have any famous ancestors?
John (Quincy) Adams

--Did you ever beg your parents for a pony?
who knows...

--Would you rather be blind or deaf?
deaf, because... I love seeing what I can see, and I have terrible vision as it is... alright, that sounds just plain weird.

--Is there someone you’ve been enemies with since you were little, and it’s never changed despite growing up and becoming more mature?
no.

--What laundry soap do you think smells the best?
that one

--Do you prefer Spongebob or Patrick?
neither. eww. ewww. ewwww.

--If you’re currently dating someone, would you be ready to elope with them right now if they asked?
not

--If you’re not dating someone, can you think of one person that you would elope with right now if they asked?
no. I want a real wedding. with all my girlies at my side.

--Who do you think is the hottest actor/actress in Hollywood right now?
Gerard Butler and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I heart accents!

--Do you watch The Office?
yes, mainly online because we hath not television.

--If you don’t, have you at least seen one episode?
:)

--If you haven’t, are you aware that you should be brutally punished?
hahaha

--What’s the stupidest TV show on the air right now?
Deal or No Deal

--Have you ever written a song or a poem?
poems spewed forth rapidly from mine heart in high school...

--If you have, have you ever written a song or a poem for someone?
yes. For a homeless guy, for aborted babies, etc.

--Last but not least, type some funny or inspiring lyrics as a closing:
She sees love where everyone else would see weeds,

dandelions - You see flowers in these weeds =-) (Five Iron Frenzy)