please give me a drink - I've been chasing you for so very long!

"please give me a drink - I've been chasing you for so very long..."

How do we "get" faith?

...Well, if faith "comes by hearing," maybe ... partly by hearing. But what about those that cannot embrace the physical sense of hearing? what a blessing it is to have the Word in not only written form, but in Braille, in mp3-ness, and in multitudinous languages.

Praise God for the gift of His word us-ward that revealed who we were, and how much He still loved us {in spite of who we are/we/will be, as he can see all of that!}.

Praise God that there is more to the book of Romans than the first 2 chapters!

I was able to listen to the book of Romans today and could not help but catch a glimpse of the Hound in all His passion. He knew how vile we are, and yet still is persistent in chasing us down to the point of exhausted humility. This creator-God is One who knew what we were ("come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?")

and yet - in that knowledge of our capability of filthiness and whoring-after-anything-BUT-him, He showed; demonstrated; commended His love toward us: WHEN WE WERE YET WITHOUT STRENGTH... WHILE WE WERE YET SINNERS.

Such a Maker, so just is He, and yet so pursuant of us in all our filthiness because He desires our delight in Him. Were the whole ocean a giant pool of ink...

And yet, He asks her for water. The only kind she could offer would never be able to compare to the kind of water He carried around. . .

Resources and further pondering: Very ...

Smaryan: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%204&version=NLT

monologue PDF: http://pluto.matrix49.com/15291/subpages/032209Sermon.pdf

from a ><> http://fringers.org/2008/12/22/yeshua-and-the-samaritan-woman-at-the-well.aspx

two modern takes on the story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tipx1INTJ90&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q49BbfgJbto

If the links do not appear hyper, try "viewing original post."

:)

and let me know your thoughts on all of this. I appreciate input, that i may be comforted together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me. :)rmns1:12:)

~amanda

poem I wrote back in 2003 or so.

i am waiting, my sweet.
~Manda Johnson

I am waiting my sweet, waiting for you.
The years have been long, the good men so few,
yet I know that when you and I finally meet
I know I'll be glad I have waited, my sweet.

One look in your eyes might not let me know,
or a hug when things seem so low,
But at the right time I can surely depend,
My sweet will be given to me in the end.

Maybe we've already met, by chance in the hall,
maybe we're very close friends and 'tis all,
maybe I've never met or heard of you,
but know this my sweet, that I'm praying for you.

I'm waiting for you no matter the cost,
Saving my love for you so it won't be lost
Praying for the Father to bring you to me
And when that happens, my sweet, the heavens will sing.

I am waiting for you so patiently
I can't help but wonder if you're also waiting for me?

Get up offa that thang: ramblationalness on Doing (in response to today and the past few weeks)

I got to be in a classroom (for pay!) again today. It was only for close-to-three hours, mind you, but i was IN.

Was I surprised that the substitute-teacher's-here-noise-level no longer bothered me?

Was I weirded out by being one of the few white people in the room?

Was the fact that most of the kids didn't seem care what I had to say, but most of them wanted to hear what I had to say unnerving??

Not in the least.

For it was there, that uncertified though I may be, I was who I am. With people not that much younger than myself, sharing what I've been given, without lesson plans or curriculum, or anything prepared.

(The Spanish class has no teacher yet, and is still a "vacancy" position. The sub who's been there since school started needed a sub, I guess. And her only note was "We're up to page 20" (which wasn't even really true). ... so i get to do what I did last year, albeit on my own time and much prayer;) And .... )

Being in those two classes reminded me so so so much of Sanders. The kids were rough and crunchy, had attitude, and some of the most inquistive spirits I've seen. Even though the noise was far above tolerable to most (as is usual for those days when a "sub" is present), I was able to bestow a little of what He's given me in the little 7oish minute timespan each class had with me. And like my Sanders kids, as soon as they had actual work (rather then vocab and pronunciation type of things) they quieted down to a loud whisperation, and most of them actually worked.

Students of all ages, ethnicities, and genders CRAVE structure, and being left with no lesson plans ensures chaos. So the ten minutes before class, when I realized there were no actual lesson plans, I could have freaked out and left, but I decided to wing it. Not the most desirable option for first impressions on a four-day assignment, but it was what i had to do. The first class was a little rough, because i had to probe to find out where they actually were in the textbook, but the second class i was able to get them working much sooner.

Tomorrow we are going to work on numbers 1-30, Review the picture story from today (about a kid who gets a letter from a female penpal hahaha), and do a lot of witing. hehehe...

But anyways. On to ... tnight.

I went to West Cannon right after Q was done with his piano lesson because I saw a few weeks ago that Kevin DeYoung (from URC @ MSU)

And his challenge was very encouraging and challenging to me - and I hope to a majillion others - especially in light of life lately. He's written a book entitled "Just Do Something......(insert very long sub-title;) )" and although I have yet to read it, he shared much of the premise. was was basically about the right and wrong ways to go about doing/seeking God's will. :)

So little things, like not having a job, desiring what He wants for me, waiting for Whom He may have for me, taking HUGE little steps (Spanish church!!), being diligent in where I am with classes and family life, getting off my butt and, well, doing something weird like going to a church downtown to help where it's direly needed when I could get lost in the crowd at West Cannon where my God-given talents don't really have the best of places to be used for His glory. (nothing against WC, but some of what He's given me doesn't make sense there anymore...... )

NB: (nota bona! / take note) - I'm also reading a miniscule book entitled "Why Join a Small Church" by John Benton... hehe. Good stuff, and thought-provoking. and Yes.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I want to - like "everyone else" be used by God. If this means I need to take that next step, I've already been encourage by a few great people to do so. This may not appear as sane or normal to most people, but then again, when have I ever been sane or normal to most people? ;)

So hearing tnight - from an ordained-type, and not just myself or some book with printed letters - that it's okay to Do Things was like a breath of fresh air. So much of society is all about safety, and wealth, and YourBestLifeNow, but very little do we hear the good of society. Almost every news program is all about the terrible things, even though America's all about being the "Promised Land." The people that "Do Things" are radical, and even though everyone wants to be Like them, they don't, really. Because if they did, they would be all about actually followation. Passivity sucks, like a vacuum, those who sit in "blessing."

What about that little church down the road, full of old people though it may be? What about the homeless guy at the gas station? What about that roomful of 30-or-so inner-city kids who come from broken homes?

They need Jesus, too. Even if they live in the ghetto, even if they have AIDS, even if no one remembers them. Whatever you do to the least of these...

How can they know if every last *cough* Christian is just soaking every Sunday, and never letting themselves get "squeezed?"

Get up offa that thang.

Still, my soul be still (wait!)

this is the start of something new ;)

(and that's where HSM lyrics must stop)

But seriously, today was gooder than good. I'm still nervous about it all, but I think I'm supposed to be doing this right now. It's hard to be patient, so hard sometimes - especially when the only answers i hear are resounding "wait!" each time;
But.

He knows what He's doing, and He's still teaching me and molding me and my silly heart to desire las cositas que He desires. My heart's been stretched much since returning from the desert, and my eyes have seen many things that I couldn't have handled last year alone... But [for] God.

this song's been in my me-ness lately.

(and also, some lyrics from K&K:)

Still, my soul be still Words and Music by Keith & Kristyn Getty & Stuart Townend Still my soul be still And do not fear Though winds of change may rage tomorrow God is at your side No longer dread The fires of unexpected sorrow God You are my God And I will trust in You and not be shaken Lord of peace renew A steadfast spirit within me To rest in You alone Still my soul be still Do not be moved By lesser lights and fleeting shadows Hold onto His ways With shield of faith Against temptations flaming arrows Still my soul be still Do not forsake The Truth you learned in the beginning Wait upon the Lord And hope will rise As stars appear when day is dimming

I am going to write a book next week, but I need one thing from you:

a topic.

I give myself the deadline of Sunday, September 27th.

all topics accepted, only one (or two) may be chosen.

i shall NOT, however, address makey-outy topics. that's just... not me.

~Amanda

paper poem - from 2004

Here I am,

baring my soul – yet again -
to a simple sheet of notebook paper:

Blue lines holding tightly to my words,

red lines on the sides, tightly framing my thoughts.

©2004 Amanda E. Johnson

boy and barrels - written sometime in my undergrad years at MSU

On my way home from a very frustrating class one cloudy afternoon in mid-October, I passed a just-emptied elementary school with one of the biggest playgrounds I’d ever seen. I turned my car around in the next driveway and pulled into the parking lot of the school. I grabbed my keys from the ignition and put them in my pocket after I turned off the car. Locking my doors out of sheer habit, I walked over to the large, painted concrete tubes lying in a half-circle on the edge of the playground.
After peering inside one to check for small children or animals, I crawled in and sat down, resting my head on the cool concrete. Someone had written “Jamie loves Joe” on the inside of the tube with a red marker, and next to that proclamation was another statement, “boys are dumb.” I smiled, remembering my own childhood opinions on the boys I once knew.
Some of the first friends I had made at school were boys. I remember how Paul, Derek, Jacob, Tom, and I had dug very elaborate tunnels in the sandbox during recess. We had contests to see who could stay on the merry-go-round the longest, or who could jump off the swing and land the furthest away from the swing set. I remember laughing as we raced down the sledding hill on our roll-up plastic sleds, landing in the middle of a pile of snow and other laughing children.

I can look with fondness on the earlier memories I have of boys, but as I got older I grew to be quite shy of the male populace in general. While my girlfriends all gradually became boy-crazy – or at least interested in boys – I became more and more intimidated by the very presence of boys, especially one in particular. I remember how it all started.
In the middle of second grade, around September, a boy named Steven Davis moved to the area and enrolled in the school I attended. From the very first day he arrived, he followed my best guy friends around and told them that he wouldn’t play with them if they kept playing with me.
A spider crawling near my foot on the inside of the tube caught my attention, bringing me back from my memories, drawing my attention to yet another bit of graffiti – “I wish they’d notice me.” I sighed, and let my thoughts drift back to those long-ago days when I had felt the very same way the author must have felt while writing those five short words.

© Amanda E. Johnson 2009

Journibles.... hehe.

But

by

if

under

verb tenses

unto

upon

as it is written

reflective or hypothetical or seeminly silly questions

with

without

parentheses

even so

reckon

God forbid.

by nature

neither yield

yield

should...

know ye not?

All these and more - little words, though they may be, can change a life. This weekend Rob set us off on a new adventure - being guinea pigs ;) for Journibles...

We took the book of Romans and started by writing it out.... by hand... in journals, but only on the right hand of each page. The left is reserved for "notes."

I am pretty sure they shall be sold out, because I will buy them all. :) It was quite addicting, and even the times I've done similar things before didn't really compare - time flew by so quickly, and when I found myself wide awake before 6 this morning, I jumped back in and kept writing. I'm only on chapter 6 right now, but the next 10 chapters are going to fly past as well, Lord willing. I've noticed so much, as well. Not just the little words, but it's easier to see the whole picture - of the book of Romans AND the books in the Olde Testament that i've been reading.

hurrah!

The ONE

Have you ever walked past someone and wondered "Is that the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with?" Or perhaps, you think you have found that "person" but they don't even care about you, or your very existence?

That's what He has to deal with... every day.

Such pain, at His expense, because we choose...

shalom y paz

Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever. -Betty Scott Stam / Elisabeth Elliot / me

I found the above prayer in Elliot's "Let Me Be a Woman" and have been pondering it all day. And I realized, as i walked outside and noticed the moon shining brightly enough to cause the house-next-door to cast a shadow on the driveway, that today I had been blessed with a shalom that only He could have brought. It wasn't the most "perfect" day I've ever had, but He was there sovereignly keeping me from going down the wrong paths, and preparing the paths my feet wandered down. He led me to some tender, young shoots and fed me from His word, and my heart was at peace in His word, content to delight in my Master.

Because of the gospel, I can experience a shalom - a wholeness, if you will, or "completeness, soundness, and well-being of the total person (OT), also "the inner tranquility and poise of the Christian whose trust is in God through Christ" - and this shalom is something that one who is not living with the Meshiach as master and shepherd will not be able to comprehend. Praise Him, for I have been forgiven, and am being sanctified and looked at as His through the eyes of the Abba!

And Today, whatever state - of the Union - I am in, He is teaching me to be content. Waiting was ... easier .... today, and listening seemed easier as well. It may not always be so, but these "mountains" are here that we may look on them in the valleys and remember His words, and His grace toward his sheep, silly though we be at times.

Praise Him, for His word, that He has preserved through eonages of time, guarded for His chosen to hear and read. Praise His excellent majesty for reaching those that have not yet been able to hear His word in their mothertongue, and for all He is going to accomplish in their lives!

I can only pray for His will, and my heart's conformity to His will and desires. A friend recently advised me, "Delight in the Lord, and see what desires He gives you." This advice stuck, and I have been sitting at my Rabbi's feet (he is not only shepherd, meschiach, rabbi, but so much more than i can ever express!), falling more in love with the One who offers living water, the One quien puede satisfechar todas de mis necesidades - can satisfy all my needs - and the One who knows me better than anyone ever will, and still stays by my side, guiding me in paths of righteousness, because His name's fame depends on it.

And I love Him, because He told me what love was.