Lest I forget

[from an un-mailed letter to my dearest non-biological sister, several years ago ... I wonder what would have happened had it ended up with its rightful "owner"] ..

...My life nowadays is comprised of work, reading, sleeping, and occasionally finding some kind of food. my life nowadays is not comprised of exercise or daily Bible reading or hanging out with people. I have "time," it seems, to read book after book from the library, but when it comes to reading love letters from (and about) the Creator of the universe, i throw it aside and go to sleep. . My heart is growing cold and crusty, and I don't know whether to like it or hate it. I know I ought to hate it because it says so in the Bible and all, but I'm not sure if I like it, either,. If I don't really "like it," though, the fact is still there that I am tolerating a cold heart. Or lukewarm. Or hypocritical. Or all of the above. Either way, I do not like the position I find myself in now. The thing is, I don't know where to start to change it, or to ask God to change it. My heart should be crying right now, but there are some kind of callouses growing over any tear ducts and the tears cannot escape, no matter how much I wish. 

 All this I haven't really thought about writing until now, so I suppose this letter is something of a thinking process... If you can bear reading it, maybe it will give you something to pray about. Because seriously, I don't know if I can really pray anymore. I still "talk" to God, but I don't really "listen" to Him anymore, so it's not really "talking," but more like a 3-year-old. And I don't even know if it hurts. It's like when someone's so used to pulling hot cookie sheets from the over with their hands that it doesn't hurt and they can't feel it when they go without oven mitts to take the pans from a hot oven. 

blessing #10 - failure

My class is ridiculously unable to sit without talking when it's just myself in the room, but when the principal is in the room, they are as silent as a newborn rock.

*sigh* ...

~this was taken during our archaeological dig expedition in the class ... aren't they just adorable? :p

Lately my quizzes and tests (well, the ones my students take) are incredibly either high or low, rarely in-between as far as grades go. :/   ugh.   I can't do much when half of the class fails and the other half - that studied! - passes with flying colors (whatever THAT idiom means ) ... suggestions?  they need to know the material, but a good portion of the class is having trouble listening in class, and i'm sure i'm just a terrible teacher. ugh .... but the failures are a good thing, because maybe this is the wake-up call some parents need to start paying attention to their babies ...

Blessing #9 - routine

It is in the routine of life where we are really visible.

Establishing this routine - school, kids, dating, more kids, church, more kids, making new friends, more kids, maintaining relationships, more kids - has been changing who I am.

Each day, I have the choice - Joshua 24:15. I can choose to serve gods, or I can chose to serve God. Some days, I make little choices that serve gods like my students, my boyfriend, my family, or myself. Other days, I can jump up and down and spin in circles because I can honestly say I was serving Him - those are the best days. ... but they're still not as regular as I would like. I want to be at my 111% for Him. Not just 87%, or 94%, or even 17%. . . but 111%.   (That's my number - substitutable for whole-hearted.)

and part of being 111% is what I do in the routine, everyday bits that appear day after day after day.

the chaos of being a "first" (albeit, second) year teacher is wearing down and picking up at the same time. We've survived the first quarter, I've noticed both good and bad things that need tweaking in my classroom, and God's been reteaching me the importance of carving (and stealing, if need be) time for Him alone.

I've been trying to read a bit of Proverbs every day, along with a bit of various books and passages. I want to go deeper. starting with every little bit of every day God gives me - the big days and the small ones.

blessing #8 - a new body

went to church at South Dade today - it was good :) they used to be about the size of West Cannon but after hurrican Andrew hit lost a lot of people (because of the damage to the area, etc). but anyways.... definitely super solid, super loving group. I got to hang out with some kids while their parents were at choir practice :)
also, studied some of how Philippians 1:9-11 (Paul's prayer for abounding love) relates to I Corinthians 13 and I John 4:7+ ... pretty neat.
And David's here now - we just ran to Walmart to pick up some groceries. He's staying with the pastor for now, and they invited us over for dinner with their kids / grandkids :)  good fellowship, sweet people. Pull-apart biscuits and stew :)

God is good.

blessing #7 - 3 days down.

This week I had "new teacher orientation."  Lots of [free] breakfast, sunrises and sunsets, gorgeous clouds and spontaneous rainstorms (in Miami (that's what they all call the general area, even if Miami is 45ish minutes away) there are lots of random rainstorms. Perhaps it's like another peninsula I know, where the weather "changes" every five minutes . . . usually the rain doesn't last long, but sometimes it's sideways rain. Those are the days where umbrellas are purely decorative. :)  "My" camper door exits to the North, so I can peek out and see beautiful clouds or sunrises or sunsets any time of day, basically. Like a few minutes ago, I peeked myself over to the door and there was a lizard just chilling between the screen and the door. This post is totally stream of consciousness, Amanda-style (which means I throw in some complementary punctuation in or out of its proper place). He didn't want his picture taken, so he let me take a picture of the screen with his little body slightly blurred in the background. Anyways. 

We went over policies, procedures, curriculum stuffs, et cetera, with The Administrator. It was great fun. We got to jump into our classrooms, and apparently this school is super flexible with their teachers as far as decorations. After spending countless hours in rooms where flexibility is basically frowned upon, it was super refreshing to see teachers painting their rooms purple, green, blue, et cetera. . . and rooms full of raccoons :) yeah, Ms. Johnson! (the 1st grade version).  I got to meet with last year's fifth grade teacher; prettier than Idina Menzel, and has a cute li'l bump :) she gave me a good run-through of all the fun of fifth grade.... like safeties, the fifth grade end-of-the-year trip (like "sixth grade camp" at Crestview - fifth graders are the bigshots at my school here. :)  her time schedule (YAYYY) and lots of other fun things. :) Also got to go to "Get Smart" with Habyibah (4th grade!) and her mum (the amazing teacher superstore = store FOR teachers, not selling teachers) and only spent less than half of the amount "gifted" to each teacher at ma school.  Got some neat stuff - my classroom "theme" is going to be rather international - thinking Acts 1:8 or something similar, or praying for the brothers in chains, or ...)taking suggestions(
Also stopped at "Whole Foods" and found an amazing hummus - it had lemons in it. OH MYLANTA. : )

Now doing some research on family "devotions". . . thoughts? opinions? suggestions? - i.e. regularly scheduled, spontaneous, how often, is it / are they important? Something I need to research, that's all woot woot. 

^^^
~~~~~~Scripture to back it up, comments preferred on the blog, please. (not on FB). 

anyways, it is a blessing to have the first 3 days of orientation "done." 

blessing #6 - climate change

methinks I need to update more often, because then i might have more quality posts / at least post more than once a month.
i am moving to a wee bit south of miami, and looking forward to a change of pace . . . Going to be teaching at a Christian school down there - 5th grade!  Open to all of your advices!

side note - g'bye party at Crystie Long's this Sunday evening after church. come from wherever you are. and if you can't come ..
GET SKYPE. so we can talk once i'm in FLORIDA. craziness.

God is good.

I finished my huge portfolio, so other than discussion questions, I am DONE with classes. (other than student teaching, too, i guess).

it CRAZY-STORMED here tonight. as in, the rain was so loud I could barely hear the (slightly-old) news about the heartbreaks in Norway. it's amazing how big God is. He can create just by speaking. He can stop things just by speaking ... yet He humbled Himself to take my place, my punishment!

What a wonderful saviour!

(repost from May 4th, 2008) - blessing #5 - babies

This past weekend I got to meet two new babies - my friend Tracie's baby Lucas (a month old), and the newest addition to Berean Baptist, John Gage - called "Gage" as, i guess, most of his dad's line of men are named John ____ and go by their middle name. Rather cool concept, if you ask me. 


   At -(one of my roomates)- Danielle's baby shower, Lucas was a darling most of the time I held him. We had fun... I put him on his stomach across my lap and he just chilled until his socks fell off.   It was great to see Danielle and Leonard again, and watch how excited they were to get ready for their baby and how loving they were towards each other.  It was also great to see Tracie and Lucas and how becoming a mommy has changed my friend for the better - someone as small as Lucas was, making such a difference in so many lives. 
   
And at church today I met Gage - the oldest looking newborn I've ever met. He had the aged, wise old man look to his face, which was intriguing to see on one so young. Not your ordinary chubby-cheeked baby-faced baby, but a young man in a baby's body.  Incredibly handsome, to say the least, and incredibly tiny.  And fashionable, in his little white knit cap. 


Both of these little men were fortunate enough to be born into families where God is honored and people have made the choice to serve the Master rather than the World... how many others have been born this year alone into families that are struggling to make ends meet or struggling with sin and its effects?  Pray for the babies you never meet - and the ones you do.  I've seen God work in so many lives, and I know for a fact not all of these lives started in homes where God reigned. 
I've also seen children that have been blessed with parents who "chose" (if you will) to follow Christ, only to run away from their Creator as soon as they leave home. 



I wish it weren't that way.  I need far more than both of my hands to keep a count of the people I know who've been entrusted with godly, loving parents only to turn their back on everything true and real.  



Choices, decisions, and heartbreak.  



"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. - Pr. 22:6

"If serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselvesthis day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers servedbeyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.  - Joshua 24:15


Something somewhere - most likely the nasty thing we know as sin - gets in the way of the "way he should go" and forces the people who were once babies to make a choice... a choice much like the ones made by the Israelites in Joshua's time.  God's side - the God who basically conquered the inhabitants of the land for the Israelites, or the world's side?

a choice that - when made - can set fire to the innocence of the babies we adore. 

One day, Lucas and Gage will have to choose. As must you and I.  Joshua commands his people to make their choices ASAP.  There is an urgency there, because innocence once lost is never again found in its entirety.  

Pray for these two new little men, and for the babies you meet or are planning on meeting - pray that God will allow them to make a choice for Him, and that their parents will lead them into the battle for truth.  

Pray for your own choices; pray that the choice you make every day will be to serve the God of Israel.  All other gods will fall before the true God, as will all who chose false gods... 

pray for innocence to return to our land.  Make choices that bring innocence back... see what He can do when you do. 


I hope this post was encouraging... and understandable.  It's just something I've had on my mind and I needed to share it.  


from my olde Xanga 

blessing # 4 - back off, enemies! I cling to Christ!

Even though our armor may have chinks in it, He still holds everything together (yay, Colossians) and is orchestrating things for His glory! I was able to take a biblical counseling class last fall that was led by Terry Burlingame, and ever since then my inbox has been attacked by truthbits. (well, Monday through Friday). Sometimes I don't read them because I don't feel like getting poked in the eye, but God has used these little message/reminders many, many times to bring my heart closer to His. and that is a blessing (yes, I just started a sentence with "and" ...)

So here is the blessing from this morning. God is good, and He IS good. no matter what we are going through emotionally, physically, spiritually. I cling to Christ,

His robes for mine: O wonderful exchange!
Clothed in my sin, Christ suffered ‘neath God’s rage.
Draped in His righteousness, I’m justified.
In Christ I live, for in my place He died.

I cling to Christ, and marvel at the cost:Jesus forsaken, God estranged from God.Bought by such love, my life is not my own.My praise-my all-shall be for Christ alone.

His robes for mine: what cause have I for dread?
God’s daunting Law Christ mastered in my stead.
Faultless I stand with righteous works not mine,
Saved by my Lord’s vicarious death and life.

His robes for mine: God’s justice is appeased.
Jesus is crushed, and thus the Father’s pleased.
Christ drank God’s wrath on sin, then cried “‘Tis done!”
Sin’s wage is paid; propitiation won.

His robes for mine: such anguish none can know.
Christ, God’s beloved, condemned as though His foe.
He, as though I, accursed and left alone;
I, as though He, embraced and welcomed home!
(-Chris Anderson)

and now, the "morning desk" -

Romans 8.18-39

At times we may feel like all is against us, that nothing is going the way we had planned, and that the road ahead has far too many obstacles for us to travel. It can seem that we are being ambushed by the enemy from every angle and that we have no way of overcoming our current struggle. But, as believers we must not live on what we “feel” or what “seems.” Rather, we must firmly hold to what is true. “If God is for us, who can be against us. He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things” (Romans 8.31-32). No obstacle is too great for God, no circumstance too difficult, no enemy too strong. None can stand against Him, and being in Christ none can successfully stand against us. We must remember that the enemy is not defeated by our feelings; he is not silenced by what “seems” right. Rather, he is stopped by the power of the Almighty Lord, he is halted by the Truth of God’s Word, he is silenced by the King of kings and the Lord of lords. Remembering what our Lord has done motivates us to trust and move forward. He “gave up” His own Son for us – who lived among sinful men, shed His blood on the Cross for us, and was placed in the tomb for us, for our redemption, for our salvation, for our deliverance, for our freedom, for our hope, for our eternity. He gave His all that we might know Him, escape rightful condemnation, and be freed from eternal separation. Knowing this to be true, we can have absolute confidence that now He will not leave us alone, leave us stranded, or forget about us, but will with Christ “graciously give us all things.” Whatever our troubles, struggles, difficulties, or need, our merciful Lord will lovingly provide everything we need to victoriously walk in this day. Our confidence in Him can be unwavering, for He has purchased us and designed to keep us; in Him alone we have hope, victory, and rest.

 Terry Burlingame

*let me know if you'd like to get his weekday thoughts sent to your email - he'd love to add you to his list :) 

a little story

transcribed from an assortment of text messages between Crystie and myself one fine day while she was at work and I was traveling to / at / from a track meet. Crystie's contributions are in bold, and mine are in plain type. 


A little boy was walking along the beach and found a 
hairtie!
and he thought what am i going to do with a hairtie hmmm ...
shoot it at a gull!  
But then a huge wave knocked him down
(the gull or the boy?)
the boy... but u write it how u want   ;) 
He magically turned into a flounder and squiggled all the way to the bottom of the sea . . .
where he saw a beautiful underwater castle filled with
naked mermaids (of course, we all know mermaids don't wear shells. that's purely uncomfortable) ...
He smiled and thought oh yeah this is the life he then saw an octopus off in the distance and started swimming towards it 
the octopus was allergic to little boys so he pulled out his
8 limbs to cover his mouth when he sneezed which caused a massive wave knocking the fish back into a boy
the size of a small chihuahua
he put his little hands in front and started "doggy" paddling to shore
and ran into a
sand castle
shaped liike the White House. A figurine of Barakster was standing on the stoop connected to the servants' entrance near the back, one hand raised in salute. "Egad!" exclaimed the youngster as he
did some remodeling adding a mcdonalds and an indoor pool near the courtyard
and topped it all off with a terrarium full of
his friends all holding snakes
and each snake held a lovely parrot in its mouth
he began screaming only to wake up to his mom holding him saying dont worry it was all just a dream honey 
as she bit his neck
no he did not the story is over
[^killjoy] 

June Bugs and a fat sparrow (blessing #3)

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his life?" (Matthew 6:26-27, Jesus speaking). 


So I considered a lone sparrow, happily feasting on hundreds of dead June bugs outside of a quiet video store one day this past week. The tiny speckled bird had no concerns darkening his feathers, but was darting about feasting on the fallen bugs (which most likely died after encountering the store's sign or some such chaos).
There were no other birds about when I noticed him (or was it a she?), but the voracity with which the little bird gobbled up insects showed me how much trust - if you can call what animals have trust - was placed in its provider.

May my trust be the same in the Creator, whether surrounded by plenty or living with one mere june bug.

blessing #1 and #2 - wild in the city / alive in the city

I might as well share the little bits of amazingness that God daily touched my inmost me with on a basically daily basis... 

because i've been trying to apply thankfulness lately. so yay! 

:D 

I had two-and-a-half rather rough classes of 7th/8th graders yesterday, but God used those three classes as a backdrop to a wonderful-good blessing to finish out the work day. 

While the last class of kids was coming in, I was walking around tidying chairs and papers. The kids started gathering by the window in the corner of the room, and a few of them started yelling, "Bambi!! It's Bambi!!" I looked toward the window, but didnt' see anything. The kids kept shouting, so I put the papers down on the teacher's desk and walked toward the window. There, on the slightly suburban lawn of the slightly suburban school's slightly suburban playground, was a whitetail doe and an incredibly young whitetail fawn, all speckly in the just-washed grass. The fawn started suckling, the kids got freaked out until I told them it was just drinking, and the oohs ensued until both deer noticed the ruckus going on in the window and pranced off. The students gradually disbanded, I took attendance, and math papers started getting covered in lead and ink. 

Today I was driving home from spending a few hours with second graders. We'd started out by watching some of Madeleine on a VHS, then worked on assorted assignments. After sending everyone home (at the appropriate time, of course!), I got into the car and drove down Division (aka Plainfield). Blessing #2 happened on a side street - I witnessed a walker-bound man attempting to help another men up from the pavement where he'd fallen. It's things like this that really ought to make the news, not death and destruction. So there it is - whoever you are, thank you for humbling yourself and helping up a man in need, even though you, yourself, are so obviously in need. Even if this man is not a God-follower, God used him to show me that His love can be displayed ...somehow =) woo hoo! 

Dateup.

Erm, yes, it has been a length of time or time since last I posted, but I are still alive. God is good :)

Project: cutting up old tshirts, crocheting the strips into an oval-ular rug. It's maybe 3' x 1' right now, but I'm not really good with numbers, so we shall see what it really is never. : )

Finished a series Lauraine Snelling wrote set in MEDORA -  Rather good, but I want to go visit TRNP now like whoa.

Flew a kite with David.

planted some peas from Goodwill and they have sprouted.

learned a lot with other females at / through "Far Above Rubies" with West Cannon chicas.  Totallilly up my alley=) facts / hints, etc. coming soon perhaps. we have a huge binder-full.

Deuteronomy has a lot in common with Romans :)

i propagated some rhubarb and now have 5 plants that made it! :)

Isaiah and short-term ministry

So much has happened lately - it always does (or so it seems) when one is learning more and more daily to trust the Abba.

I have about 115 hexagons sewn together, and about 25 "flowers" (hexagons sewn into groups of 7) finished and waiting for a bit until I can attach them to the quilt top.  I am shooting for 2,000-3,000 hexagons total, and I want to have a scalloped edge (made from the hexagons). It might take forever, but I've had a few easier sub jobs of late that make the sewing-of-flowers part happen.

:) 

nb: I've been reading through Isaiah with David on the nights that school hasn't whelmed us, and it's been good to have someone to bounce a Major Prophet around :)   Isaiah's been one of the books I've wanted to read, but always seemed to muddle up in my head, so *the very day he asked me out!*  my darling boyfriend gave me a book on Isaiah (Weirsbe's Be Comforted) to read with him.  It's been so good! Reading about Emmanuel in chapter 7 was good, and not just because there is a real hope for Israel, but also because God is with me today because of Christ's work! It is such a blessing to have a man in my life who treasures my heart and is loving me the way Christ loves the Body!!

Yesterday I was subbing at Lowell MS and one of the dear 6th graders (from the middle of the room) said, "Miss Johnson, you look young. Can I guess how old you are? ...*(paused)*  I'm going to guess you're 22."
    oh, children.

David has helped me to see that substitute teaching is an acceptable ministry opportunity - even though I've pondered this before, it helps to have another human tell me it's okay that I may only ever see some of these kids once in their lifetimes. God can still use those one-or-so-hours to bring Him glory by how I interact with these children. 

Talking with Kim Walburg has also helped me to see something else:
    The kids that maybe are the naughtiest in the classroom (the ones that I end up scolding quite a bit during the day) are usually the ones that, at the end of the day, come up to me with a huge hug and tell me I'm the best teacher ever. ....  and this may simply be because I am trying to enforce proper discipline procedures when their own classroom teacher may have given up because of the naughtiness.

Herein is my hope -
 Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.

Come, let us walk in the light of the Lord.

...the Lord along will be exalted in that day.

THE LORD OF HOSTS IS EXALTED IN JUSTICE, AND THE HOLY GOD SHOWS HIMSELF HOLY IN RIGHTEOUSNESS. 

note from a first grader

By mss. Johnson

I love that suBsutut Be coues she is niys and Denzel said a cus wrld and i got on pink an thay got low and we all most didtin go to recss Be coues thim oley me and Juleyn Be coues we wint to the Bathroom I was grat and I was Good and I was Good and Jakiya said the bitth wurd.
The End.

[on the other side of the paper]: love mrs. HOEKSTRA


my translation: [mind you, this is written by a first grader in a class of 22 where almost all of them are very, very little self-control, even for first graders...]

I love that substitute because she is nice and Denzel said a cuss word and I got on pink *[the teacher has a behavior system of colors, and pink is the highest] and they got on low *[this being, many of her classmates were quite naughty] and we almost didn't go to recess because of them*[maybe she thought this because I threatened they would be missing recess and working on sitting quietly - per their teacher's request!] only me and Julian because we went to the bathroom *[insert amazing self-esteem, or spelling practice?] I was great and I was good and I was good and *I'm not sure where this girl heard all the swears, but apparently I missed something in all the chaos they'd presented] Jakiya said the bitth [probably naughty] word.
The End. 


it was either written for me or the teacher, but it was on top of my stuff, so...
:)

padiddles

of all the small things in life, i believe the ones we chose to enjoy are the ones that can pass the time, unite souls, and spark us to better things.

David and I started a contest to see who could get the most padiddles (those unfortunate cars that for whatever reason have one of their lights out), and I have discovered that Grand Rapids is far more Dutch - translate, cheap - than Midland. I also discovered that it helps to pass the time between our visits, and gives us something to do with each other when we are a hundred miles apart.



Here is a sample (yes, I've been keeping track of a good number of the padiddles, and most of them were seen around Grand Rapids, unless otherwise noted):

12/31/10 - 7 padiddles (on the road from GRap to Midland)
1/1/11 - 8 padiddles (on the road from Midland to GRap)
1/2/11 - 8 padiddles
1/3/11 - 1 padiddle *that i recorded*
1/5/11 - 8 padiddles
1/6/11 - 11 padiddles

...and I've already found a few for today.


average west michigan padiddle count (plainfield and northland/East Beltline make up a LOT of this) = over 7 padiddles a day. *phew*